Annie Heywood was many things. She was generous, kind, funny, creative and persistent. What she was not was quiet. She was Chappy’s self-appointed town crier.

Dear Madame First Lady: I am writing today in my present capacity as manager (and past owner) of the Royal and Ancient Chappaquiddick Links.

We are the visited, the indigenous Islanders. We own mansions, castles, thatched huts (there must be at least one somewhere up-Island), garage apartments, condos, converted barns, Spider Shacks (maybe just me), bungalows and bodegas. And they know it. And they are coming.

As the sole groundskeeper for The Royal & Ancient Chappaquiddick Links (yes that is a real place), allow me to offer the following tips on how to best prepare your golf course for the coming season.

I have the night shift. The preferred shift, really. The baby sleeps (more) at night. Etienne is the baby’s name. Etienne is French for Stephen.

I’ll admit this: there have been days of late where I’ve considered telling my baby-to-be to stay put. Don’t come out. You’re better off where you are. Is there room in the womb for me?