Dr. Howard Attebery, whose courtship and love affair with Cynthia Riggs captured imaginations and made news around the world, died on Feb. 1 at the home he shared with Ms. Riggs in West Tisbury.
Dr. Howard Attebery, whose courtship and love affair with Cynthia Riggs captured imaginations and made news around the world, died on Feb. 1 at the home he shared with Ms. Riggs in West Tisbury. He was 94.
The couple first met when he was 28 and she was 18. They spent a summer doing research together, but in the fall Cynthia returned to Antioch College and Howie to his work. It would be 62 years before they met again, fell in love and married on the Vineyard in May of 2013.
The story was first told by Cynthia at Union Chapel for the Moth Radio Hour. The couple also wrote a book about their experience.
“I’m 81 years old and he’s going to be 91 when he gets here,” Cynthia said in an interview with the Vineyard Gazette prior to Howie’s arrival. “Really, how much time do we have? But you know, it really makes that amount of time precious.”
Howie and Cynthia were married in May 2013 at the West Tisbury Congregational Church.
Howie and Cynthia were married in May 2013 at the West Tisbury Congregational Church.
Howard Attebery was born on April 9, 1922, in Napa, Calif. In an obituary he wrote himself, he described his childhood as idyllic, growing up on his grandparents’ ranch in Napa. As a child he preferred the company of horses to sitting at a school desk. His attitude toward education would change drastically later as he accumulated four degrees during the course of his life, studying oceanography, engineering, microbiology, protozoology and becoming a doctor of dentistry. He also studied photography with Ansel Adams, and for a time was a forensic photographer for the San Diego County Sheriff's office.
After high school, Mr. Attebery said he was presented with four choices: “Work in a relative’s funeral home, work at Imola state institution for the criminally insane, enter the priesthood as wished for by my family or to use a college scholarship I had achieved.”
He chose college and never looked back.
During World War II he enlisted and worked in the Ninth Corps Area Laboratory, testing for tropical diseases on returning soldiers. He met Cynthia Riggs in 1950 while working at the Scripps Institution of Oceanography, sorting and counting plankton at the San Diego laboratory.
“She was a geology major on a work program and I had a jeep and a rock hammer so we enjoyed time together,” Mr. Attebery said in an interview with the Gazette. They both returned to their separate lives after the summer, but he never stopped thinking about her, he admitted many years later. Both married and raised families, Howie in California and Cynthia on the Vineyard. Cynthia’s one marriage ended in divorce and Howie’s second wife died of cancer. In 2012, Howie sent Cynthia an anonymous coded letter that when translated read, “I have never stopped loving you.”
Dr. Attebery was many things: a dentist, veteran, photographer, scientist, microbiologist and quiet man who loved company.
Dr. Attebery was many things: a dentist, veteran, photographer, scientist, microbiologist and quiet man who loved company.
The package did not contain a name or a return address, just longitude and latitude coordinates. Cynthia had to play detective to find out who her admirer was. She finally tracked him down through the dental association of California. What followed was a year of courtship by email and letters.
“This is the way everybody should court,” Ms. Riggs said in a phone conversation Thursday. “Long distance for over a year, sharing your intimate thoughts. Then when you meet, if the physical connection meets the mental connection you got it.”
Remembering those early days, she said that in the correspondences Howie told her he wanted two things in life: “Beauty and to not be alone.”
“Be careful what you wish for,” she added, noting that Howie was at heart a quiet man and Ms. Riggs has a large and extended Island family. A gathering of relatives who live here can easily reach nearly 40 people.
This suited Howie perfectly, she said.
“He intended to make a survey of all the freshwater ponds on the Island, tracking an organism he learned about in Texas,” Ms. Riggs said. “It was a little more than he could deal with. He did about 10 ponds, but identified 100 other sources he wanted to get to. We spent a lot of time together going out to collect water samples.”
Howie also helped Cynthia with her bed and breakfast at the Cleaveland House. His job was to set up in the morning and make coffee for the guests.
For the past 30 years on Groundhog Day, Feb. 2, Ms. Riggs has thrown a large party at her house. The tradition will continue this year but as a celebration of life for Mr. Attebery. The party is from 5 to 7 p.m. at the Cleaveland House in West Tisbury.
The event started, Ms. Riggs said, when she looked across the road and asked her mother who lived in those houses. “My mother didn’t know so she said okay let’s invite the people who live in the first three houses in every direction to come over on Groundhog Day.”
It was a day people could remember, Ms. Riggs said, and a time of year when people on the Island needed company. The circle of invites was widened every year until it included the entire Island.
“This year will be dedicated to Howie,” Ms. Riggs said.
A graveside service for the family is planned for March and there will be a party for the whole Island later this summer.
“When everything is bright and cheerful, we will have a grand celebration of his life,” Ms. Riggs said. “And everyone will be invited.”
Comments
I've never been so grateful
Judith Hand Daytona Beach FLI've never been so grateful to be following the Gazette on Twitter. Your article was endearing and informative. I now need to write my Cousin Cynthia a proper letter.
We should all be blessed with
Carolyn O'Daly Edgartown (currently in Mexico)We should all be blessed with such a love affair. Cynthia and Howie were like two giddy kids together. Even though their time together was short it was very full of all the good things in life. RIP Howie...the Island will take care of Cynthia until you meet again.
Oh Cynthia, your story and
Joanie Ruppel Keller, TXOh Cynthia, your story and life with Howie has been such an uplifting one, there are many of us all over the country who mourn with you but also celebrate the wonderfulness of the life you two shared. May his memory be eternal!
So sorry to hear this. My
Mary Jane Michaels Seattle WASo sorry to hear this. My heartfelt condolences.
Bless the Loving Light that
Barbara Bennett Sanibel IslandBless the Loving Light that Howie and Cynthia bring to us all. It continues to shine brightly...
Beautifully said, Barbara.
Linda Guilford Vineyard HavenBeautifully said, Barbara.
Dear Cynthia, I know you
Donna Palmer Marion, MADear Cynthia, I know you through reading all your Vineyard books and various articles that pop up from time to time. When I saw your Howie's obit., it made me take notice. I already loved you from your mysteries, but now I have learned a personal nugget about you and your love affair that endears you to me all the more. I am so sorry for your loss, although you are certainly a survivor choosing to celebrate the long acquaintance and recent marriage you had with Howie with all your family and Island friends, not just once but on what I feel will be many occasions. I am certain this wonderful man's spirit lives on inside you and I wish you well and hope there will be more books in the future.
I'm so sorry to hear of Dr.
Pamela Athearn Filbert Salem, OregonI'm so sorry to hear of Dr. Attebery's passing. Just a few months after hearing Cynthia Riggs on The Moth, my husband and I made a sort of pilgrimage to Martha's Vineyard to stay in the home of Cynthia's and my mutual ancestors. This was in June 2013, so just a couple of weeks after the wedding. Cousin Cynthia had to go out of town the morning after our arrival, but Dr. Attebery was such a gracious host. On a cool and rainy morning, he made a fire in the parlor and suggested that we have our breakfast on trays next to its cheerful glow, and another morning which was warm and sunny he suggested that we eat out by the fish pond. We will always cherish our time on the island and especially the chance to get to know him, however briefly. Our condolences to all who mourn him, especially Cynthia.
A new transplant to this
Toni Kauffman Vineyard HavenA new transplant to this magical Island from NJ; every day I hear, see, read or experience something that makes me love the Vineyard even more. Though the loss of one so loved makes us a little misty eyed, it is the whisper of a love that began here long ago and endured through time that gives us pause to celebrate and gives me hope. It is never too late...
Howie Attebery was a fine man
Elizabeth Whelan CuttyhunkHowie Attebery was a fine man, a real gentleman and a pleasure to be around. He will be sorely missed by everyone who ever knew him throughout his fascinating life. I will ever be grateful to Cynthia for having introduced us, and it is sure he will live on in our happy memories.
Howie will live on through
Cynthia Riggs West TisburyHowie will live on through the portrait Elizabeth Whelan painted of him. He's looking up from his microscope, glasses in hand, a smile at being interrupted by Elizabeth, books and more books behind him including a couple of his own, and a sense of peace around him. Our children and grandchildren and great grandchildren will be able to see what this remarkable man was like. Thank you, Elizabeth
Dear Cynthia,
Rosalie Tyrrell Amesbury, MaDear Cynthia,
Please accept my sincerest condolences on the passing of your beloved Howie. Your story is so inspirational and heart warming. How wonderful that you and Howie circled back together to spend the past few years together. Howie's life experiences and time with you sound truly exceptional. I pray that your precious moments with Howie, and the love of family and friends will being you piece and comfort in the days ahead.
I still hold dear the time you opened your door to me, my two sisters ( all big fans of your books) and our husbands, a few Years ago one July. You are such a special and kind woman and I wish you peace and love all the days of your life.
I was so very sorry to hear
Patti McCurdy PennsylvaniaI was so very sorry to hear of Howie's passing. Broken-hearted for Ms. Riggs, but grateful they had the time together that they did. I have read and own all of her books, enjoyed the story of them meeting again after all those years and now mourn with her and her family on his passing. God Bless.
Dear Cynthia -- This light
Michael Levin Washington DC & MenemshaDear Cynthia -- This light may have gone out but a larger one keeps glowing. When I saw Howard last summer he said that "Age is bearing down on me," as on us all. Then he turned around & made coffee for me.
Hugs.
M
I was so sorry to hear of
Dorothy Sullivan Rochester NY and Aquinnah MAI was so sorry to hear of Howie's passing. When I stopped by your house this past summer with my 88 year old mother, you were both so gracious and kind. I purchased your mother's book and have read many others of yours. My prayers are with both of you. Your love story is wonderful. Once I saw you both at the Chilmark dump and I said to you..." You must be the love birds!" And you both said, " Yes we are." I will never forget that....
Two people who've always
Brenda Horrigan Vineyard HavenTwo people who've always lived life, as the cliche goes, "to the fullest." But nothing cliche about you two, Cynthia. It was an honor to know Howie so briefly; loved how almost as soon as he arrived the Cleaveland House library room became his lab. What a man, so fully engaged in learning and discovery every day of his life. And what a lucky man to have these past several years with you. Your love and care for one another through the years is an inspiration.
Dear Cynthia, I am so sorry
Shirley Craig. edgartownDear Cynthia, I am so sorry to hear of your loss but know that Howie will live on in your heart and spirit. Together you brought a fairy tale to life without even any ogres lurking in the shadows. We are all better for knowing the two of you and thank you for giving us such a wonder-filled glimpse of what can be.
How nice is that?? wow???
dick heath chathamHow nice is that?? wow??? They both sound like very interesting people who loved each other beyond words..
Heaven has gained an angel -
Irene Karp Nyack, NYHeaven has gained an angel - Rest in Peace Dr. Howard Attebery.
Dear Cynthia, I have only met
Ann Graham EdgartownDear Cynthia, I have only met you in person at book signings, but I have followed the many stories of the light you and your family bring to our community. I am sorry to hear about Dr Attebery's passing but so grateful to have vicariously shared in the joy of your story together.
For too few summers we week
Darlene Smith-Ash and Michael Ash Springfield MAFor too few summers we week-ended at the Cleaveland House. Poetry with Dionis; heavenly muffins from Cynthia's well tended gardens. Book, books, and Cythia's books. I did not know of Howie, but have often remembered Cynthia with fondness. I am so delighted to find that she had, and he had, the gift of time enough to embrace that rare and wonderful magic. Blessings --
Your spirits brightened our
Mary V Palmer Santa Barbara, CaliforniaYour spirits brightened our lives. Your love inspired our hearts.
Your story does not end.
Thank you for letting us love
and celebrate your lives
I am so sorry. My heart goes
Gloria Burkin Chilmark, MAI am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. We do not grieve without first loving. We do not love without having more to gain than we can ever lose.
I saw this image, these two
Katrin Röder Rehfelde, GermanyI saw this image, these two lovers, and tears came to me because I felt so much love and humanity there.
Dear Cynthia,
Valerie Winter Alexandria, VirginiaDear Cynthia,
Please accept my sincere condolences. While I never met your husband, my Dad, Donald Winter, spoke of him often as a quiet, gentle man. Dad always looked forward to visiting with you each February. This year will be different.
Dear Cynthia, Thank you for
Janet Thompson Minneapolis, MinnesotaDear Cynthia, Thank you for sharing your beautiful love story! Heard it today on Minnesota Public Radio. So amazing and wonderful!
Dear Janet: Every once in a
Cynthia Riggs Attebery West Tisbury, Martha's VineyardDear Janet: Every once in a while I like to read again the wonderful tributes to Howie, the Love of My Life. I'm glad to know he lives on through the Moth and in people's hearts and souls. Thank you! Cynthia
Add new comment